“When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him.”
|me:||*sees a bug in my house*|
|me:||alright little homie its ok we all make mistakes, you do you, just keep a respectful distance|
|bug:||*flies at my face*|
|me:||first of all how dare you|
Kacy Catanzaro: the first woman in history to qualify for Mt. Midoriyama.
I just need everyone to watch this video [x]. She’s a 5 foot, 100 lb gymnast and she beasts through this insanely difficult, heavily upper body focused course like it was her morning jog. The camera keeps cutting to these massive, musclebound men in the audience with their mouths hanging open.
"Give me something that says ‘I get up every morning at 5:30 and commute an hour and a half to some bullshit job where my jackoff boss expects me to kiss his balls all day just so I can afford to keep my ungrateful, screaming kids decked out in Dora the Explorer shit and my wife up to her fat ass in self help videos till the day I get up the courage to put a shotgun in my mouth.’"
*man points to his hair do*
“That’s right. That’s the one.”
Don’t wish death on your enemies. Wish geese on them. Wish thousands of geese into their life. Geese in their yard. Geese in their car. Geese in their workplace. Geese in their bed. Tiny geese in their hair. Geese in their food. JPEGs of angry geese overtaking their computer. Turn their whole family into geese. Awful hissy mean geese everywhere. A fate worse than death.
do i have cramps or has my appendix exploded
does my boob hurt or am i having a heart attack
am i on my period or do i have internal bleeding
these are our struggles
Thinking of dirty thoughts and getting an erection in awkward situations
The struggles of a man
thinking of my naked grandma isnt going to suck the blood back into my vagina
you need an award right now
|friend:||you should've come with us!|
|me:||an invitation might have helped|